When a Patent Clerk Accidentally Owned Two Words That Define America
The Joke That Broke the System
Robert Michaels thought he was being clever when he submitted trademark application #74538192 on a slow Tuesday afternoon in 1994. As a patent examiner at the Chicago regional office, he'd seen thousands of applications for everything from breakfast cereal names to tech company slogans. But nobody, he realized, had ever tried to trademark the phrase "Under God."
"I was just messing around during lunch break," Michaels later admitted. "I figured the application would get rejected immediately for being too generic or something. I never thought it would actually go through."
But it did. Six months later, Michaels received official confirmation: he now held exclusive commercial rights to one of the most recognizable phrases in American civic life.
The Panic in Washington
When news of the trademark reached federal officials, it triggered what one former Commerce Department lawyer described as "controlled hysteria." The phrase "Under God" appears on U.S. currency, in the Pledge of Allegiance, and in countless government documents. Suddenly, a private citizen theoretically owned the commercial rights to words the federal government used millions of times daily.
The implications were staggering. Could Michaels demand licensing fees every time the phrase appeared on money? Did government agencies need permission to use it in official communications? What about schools reciting the Pledge of Allegiance?
"We had lawyers working around the clock trying to figure out if we'd accidentally given away sovereign immunity," recalled former Justice Department attorney Patricia Hendricks. "The trademark office had never dealt with anything like this."
The Man Who Owned America's Motto
Michaels, meanwhile, was equally bewildered by his accidental ownership of American iconography. Phone calls poured in from reporters, lawyers, and government officials. Religious groups demanded he surrender the trademark. Opportunistic entrepreneurs offered to buy it for six-figure sums.
"I started getting death threats from people who thought I was trying to monetize their faith," Michaels said. "All I did was file some paperwork as a prank. I never wanted to actually own these words."
The trademark gave Michaels theoretical control over commercial use of "Under God" on everything from t-shirts to coffee mugs. But exercising those rights against the federal government would have required legal battles he couldn't afford and political consequences he never wanted.
The Secret Solution
Rather than challenge the trademark in court—which would have created embarrassing public records—the government chose a different approach. They quietly negotiated what officials called a "public interest transfer."
The deal, finalized in 1996, involved the creation of a shell nonprofit organization called the American Heritage Foundation. Michaels would transfer his trademark to this foundation, which would then place the phrase in permanent public domain. In exchange, the government would cover his legal fees and provide an undisclosed financial settlement.
"We basically bought back our own national motto," one Commerce Department official admitted off the record. "It was cheaper than fighting it in court and having every newspaper in America write about how we lost control of 'Under God.'"
The Cover-Up That Worked
The resolution was deliberately kept quiet. No press releases announced the transfer. The American Heritage Foundation existed only long enough to complete the paperwork before dissolving. Even today, most Americans have never heard of Robert Michaels or his accidental ownership of their national phrase.
Government records show the total cost of resolving the trademark issue exceeded $340,000 in legal fees and settlement payments. But officials considered it money well spent to avoid the constitutional crisis that might have emerged if the case had gone to federal court.
"Can you imagine the headlines?" asked former White House counsel David Morrison. "'Government Pays Private Citizen to Use Own Motto.' It would have been a nightmare."
The Loophole That Still Exists
The Michaels case prompted the trademark office to create new guidelines for phrases with "significant cultural or patriotic importance." But legal experts note that similar situations could still arise with other government mottos or slogans that haven't been properly protected.
"There's nothing stopping someone from trademarking 'E Pluribus Unum' or 'In God We Trust' if they're clever about the application," noted intellectual property attorney Sarah Chen. "The government just got lucky that Michaels was reasonable."
Michaels, now retired, occasionally reflects on his brief ownership of American ideology. "For about two years, I technically owned two words that define how millions of Americans think about their country," he said. "It's probably the weirdest thing that will ever happen to me."
When Bureaucracy Meets Irony
The case highlights the strange intersection between commercial law and national identity. In a country built on free enterprise, even the most sacred phrases can become corporate property if the paperwork is filed correctly.
Today, "Under God" remains safely in the public domain, thanks to a secret government buyback that few Americans know ever happened. But somewhere in a Chicago suburb, Robert Michaels keeps his original trademark certificate as a reminder of the day he accidentally owned America's relationship with the divine.